University of Brighton fine Art (Painting) submission

Feelings aren’t the truth, but they are a message

When I was little in the 1980s, I had these these egg-shaped toys called Weeble Wobbles. The tagline betrayed the premise of the toy: ‘Weebles wobble but they won’t fall down.’ Indeed, you could easily knock them about but they would rock right back up again. For years I saw my feelings in a similar way – I was easily emotionally knocked to the floor but I had the willpower to pick myself up again pretty sharpish.

I recognise now that these were the intense feelings, sometimes autistic meltdowns, that arose from sensory, emotional or cognitive overwhelm. I learned to mask these emotions quickly due to being socially punished by others, with feedback that I was being overly sensitive, dramatic or hysterical. But just like a Weeble Wobble, I kept on wobbling, the momentum of the feelings rocking me back and forth until, after quite some time, I eventually stabilised.

Since my AuDHD diagnosis, I have learnt a lot more about understanding and managing my intense feelings in a way that is substantially more helpful than the masking I attempted in my earlier years:

1. Understand and spot the causes of your intense feelings. What are your sensory, emotional and cognitive triggers? It often takes quite a few instances to build up before you break, but the more you’re aware of them, the better you can be at avoiding or at least mentally preparing for them.

2. Find the right coping mechanisms. Talking of mental prep, build your overwhelm management toolkit. This can range from using noise cancelling headphones on crowded trains and time boxing a stressful activity, to avoiding too much sugar and/or alcohol in certain situations.

3. Create the space to allow the intense feelings to ‘drain away’. Sometimes the feelings take you over anyway, either because you’re exhausted or the trigger took you by surprise. If this happens, exit the situation asap and find somewhere or something calming to do. Distract yourself until the feelings fade.

4. Remember that how you feel in the intense moment isn’t the truth... After the feelings have drained, you may realise that you’re not that angry or distressed about the triggering situation. Remember in the moment that your feelings are not necessarily your ‘truth’ and that any action taken in the heat of the moment may not be the right thing (making it even more important to exit the situation).

5. …But they are a a message. However, your feelings don’t come from nowhere, so it’s important to understand why you feel them. It might be a trauma response or the primal fear of feeling trapped. Or it could be that you’re unconsciously absorbing the emotions of those around you. When you know the message your feelings are trying to tell you, this makes them easier to manage.

6. Most importantly, accept your feelings. Don’t listen to the haters telling you that you’re too intense, emotional, dramatic, sensitive, etc. As I said in an early article On Your Feelings Being Valid, no-one owns your feelings but you. There is no right or wrong way to feel. It’s what you do with your feelings that counts.