University of Brighton fine Art (Painting) submission

Their predictability and orchestrated vibe is joy-inducing

On Monday I mentioned that I went to a wedding at the weekend. I only knew a few people, photographs were taken in the cold and rain (I’m hypersensitive to the cold), it was noisy, and I didn’t really like the music. I left exhausted, yes, but also very happy. I had a little noodle on this and I figured it was down to weddings being quite neurodiverse (especially autistic) friendly in a lot of ways. For example:

• There’s a very clear agenda and structure to the day. A wedding has normally been planned to within an inch of its life. There is very little of that stressful ‘go with the flow’ nonsense that neurotypical people love so much

• They tend to be composed of all the same things. Ceremony, drinks and canapés, photographs, food, speeches and toasts, party. There are of course variations, but it’s generally the same each time, making them nice and predictable

• You don’t have to make any decisions. You are told where to go and when, including where to sit. You don’t even have to think about food and drink decisions, which are brought to you without you having to worry about it

• The social expectations are clear. As a guest, you do not have to guess what’s expected of you. Your one job is to celebrate the people whose wedding it is. You have a duty to smile in photos, laugh at jokes in speeches, cheer at the relevant points, dance if you feel like it, and generally make ZERO fuss

• These days there tends to be quiet spaces to escape to. Sensible wedding organisers often have a separate quiet room that is ostensibly for elderly people or young children, but they can also be very helpful for those of us who need a temporary escape from the noise of the party

• It’s easy to be happy! Unless something goes really wrong, the vibe of a wedding is generally joyful. Their purpose is celebration and joy and if you’re one of those hyper-empathic neurodiverse types, you absorb and experience those good feelings intensely

Weddings are overwhelming, from a sensory, emotional and cognitive perspective. But as someone who grew up without friends, I consider a wedding invite to be an honour, that people I care about want to share a very important day with me there. The gratitude I feel makes it easy for me to overlook the overwhelming parts and makes me really bloody love a good wedding.