University of Brighton fine Art (Painting) submission

Socialising is like always being a learner driver

Welcome to the final part of this three-part series on monotropism! In the previous two articles, I covered special interests and hyperfixations, and sensory sensitivities. This article outlines how monotropism might be affecting our ability to socialise.

On this topic, I’ve made three observations:

• Interacting with others requires our attention to be in several places at once. Eye contact, facial expressions, voice modulation, hand gestures, body posture, count just as much, if not more, than the words you’re using. My monotropic brain means I naturally focus only on the words. I’ve taught myself to perform the necessary eye contact and body language etc., but they are not intuitive. Communication for us is like being a perennial learner driver – trying to look all ways at once whilst trying not to stall the car or crash into anyone else.

• Cognitive rigidity can stop us seeing other ways of thinking. I will never understand why people don’t see social justice as important as I do; it makes me immediately impatient with business leaders who don’t prioritise it. Similarly, if someone has wronged me enough times, I will cut them out and never speak to them again, even if they’re family. This is sometimes referred to as ‘black and white thinking’. While it doesn’t mean we’re wrong, it can isolate us from others who can either see the greys or who prioritise social harmony over facts.

• Emotional overwhelm means there’s no such thing as ‘putting it to the back of our mind’. When I feel something strongly, from raging at social injustice to exhaustion from too much communication, I cannot focus on anything else. A red waterfall of emotion pours down on me and sweeps me away. The feelings smack me in the face, knocking all executive functioning from my head. At my worst I can’t talk or read or even understand what’s being said to me, which is not only unhelpful for social interaction, but is pathologised as ‘emotional dysregulation’.

There’s a lot more to AuDHD communication challenges than these observations of monotropism, but hopefully they shine a different light on what is most held against us by society.

Monotropism doesn’t mean that you can’t ‘do’ socialising, nor does it mean that you’re overly sensitive, clumsy or too intense in your interests. It’s that your brain has set you up for a different type of existence, and that setup, whilst isn’t catered for in society, is just as valid.