It’s not always you….
As a rule, feedback is important to help us all improve. Great feedback is specific, relevant and acknowledges a person’s personal situation. However, neurodiverse people are regularly told to be better in ways that are vague, irrelevant, or even (inadvertently) ableist. Below are 3 examples of such feedback you might hear and how to push back (constructively).
Vague: ‘You need to improve your communication skills.’ This could mean anything. Ask for specifics and example situations. If it’s ‘letting the other person finish their sentence’, then this is something you can work on. But if it’s ‘you sound angry’ when your voice goes monotone, this is part of your neurological makeup and must be pointed out as something you can’t control.
Irrelevant: ‘Stop taking things so personally/ manage your emotions better’. AuDHD might be linked to intense emotions, but this is straight up bad feedback. As I mentioned in my Your Feelings being Valid article, unless you’re causing harm to others, your feelings are perfectly valid. Challenge the relevance of this feedback, as it’ll be, more often than not, unrelated to your performance.
Ableist: ‘Do you really need this set up at the office or is this a luxury?’ If you’ve communicated to your employer what will help you work more effectively (especially if backed up by an occupational health assessment), and you hear dismissive language such as ‘luxury’, ‘preference’ or ‘privilege’, call it out. You operate in a world that disables you and you have a right to have your NEEDS met.
Our disability is hidden, making it hard to understand and easy to forget. When facing vague, irrelevant or ableist feedback, always assume the person means well. Most people are reasonable and will respond positively for your asking for clarification, as it shows your willingness to improve. And highlighting where your disability is being unhelpfully critiqued is a bit less confrontational than calling someone as ableist. You’re a valuable human and you deserve great feedback!
University of Brighton fine Art (Painting) submission 
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